Scripture:
1 Thessalonians 5:12-24
New International Version (NIV)
Final Instructions
12 Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13 Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.Quote:
"God forgive me, I have not been myself"
Song:
Don Henley "Heart of the Matter"
Obviously, today is all about forgiveness. I haven't been able to blog for some time now and I have been given the time to soul search. I have come to the conclusion that forgiving people is the easy part, asking for forgiveness ... not so much. I have taken a personal inventory of my past, my present, my gains, my losses, gifts, pains, lessons, and etc. I've had a very heavy heart the past two weeks. I've had flashbacks from years ago, some of the most painful times, and visions of people I've hurt.
I started looking back on the last 2 years. I started to think of all the hurtful things I have said and done. All the people I let down. The biggest person.... Bryan. I had to take a painful stroll down memory lane in order to see all the times I let him down. All the times I let myself down. I could still feel the pain and shattered promises. All I could feel was sadness. I sent up a prayer of forgiveness. From him. From family. From my children. I remember sitting at the coffee shop numb to the core. Then, in the midst of feeling defeated, I heard what I was needing. My prayer was for everyone else to forgive me, however, that's not where forgiveness needs to start. God was reminding me that He had already forgiven me, forgiveness from others would come in time, and the most important forgiveness would come from within. I needed to forgive myself. I needed to love myself first.
I spent the next few days writing, reading, praying, and of course crying. Trying to start from the beginning and mend the brokenness along the way. I know forgiveness is so hard sometimes. It's hard to forgive those who have hurt you along the way, however, I was ready for that. I wasn't ready to forgive myself. After all, I felt as though I failed at everything; my marriage, my kids, my husband and family, and myself. Where do I start over?Well yet again, this is me starting over. (Again) Starting with me. I've spent hours thinking of how I can move passed the pain and regret and I believe God has his plan for me. His guidance will help me through. So here's to moving on and starting over, from the beginning. Cheers to a beautiful new beginning.
