Day Seven:

Scripture:
Ezekiel 1:28
Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking.

Quote:
Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms.


Song:
"Somewhere over the Rainbow"
     ~In Loving memory of Sweet Brooklyn Mumm as well~



    I used to wish and pray that I would be able to forget every memory of my marriage. I used to hate seeing pictures, hearing songs, and smelling certain scents (still do sometimes). The very smell of his cologne on any stranger would bring tears to my eyes. I took down every single picture we had. Put all his things in a box including everything he had ever given me. Even my wedding dress was the subject of many imaginary rages.
I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I tried drowning every emotion I had and suddenly I became numb to all emotions. I started to feel exactly how I wanted, Numb. I started feeling empty and broken. I started to feel, well, terrible. I hated feeling numb. I wasn't able to cry anymore, not like I needed to. One tear, and that was that. I started feeling unmotivated and angry. This was not at all how I wanted to feel. I've always been the happy, silly, bubbly, emotional, driven kind of person. Where was that girl? I finally sat down and reevaluated my entire life. What were my goals? Who was I surrounding myself with? What were the actions I was taking? What was I doing for myself? The girls? I looked around my house and all I saw was empty walls. Then it hit me. I was trying to suppress everything. All my sadness and anger and in turn, I started to suppress my happiness. I missed all those memories.

  I look back now and still understand what I started to do. I started putting pictures up (not of him and I, but of the girls and him or even some small family photos). I started listening to the music I loved before, even the ones between him and I. I started telling the girls stories from when they were both younger. These were all memories of the great times we had, great memories of when we were both happy, memories that made the whole relationship worth it. I realized that some of the best times were when we were together and even though we weren't married anymore, we could still remember all the happy times. I started feeling better again. I started laughing at the old times and looking at family pictures with the girls. I started to cry again and I felt so much better. I cried at the sad times but even the good times. I started letting go of some of the pain and anger and really started to heal.

   I truly believe crying and laughing help the soul. Crying lets go of the emotions that we have that words cannot explain. Sometimes the tears fall just as the rain does and the beautiful part is that there is a rainbow after both. I now have all these beautiful memories to hold on to and to share with the girls. Memories of love and happiness and no amount of pain should even erase that :)


I took this picture right outside my front door. Two beautiful rainbows on display for us to see. A reminder of God's promises and love.