~One Day At A Time~

Day One:

     Today mark the first day of the new year. A new year brings new joys, new hardships, new beginnings, and lessons to learn. My goal is to blog each day and create a memoir of my healing, growing, and journey. I will start by posting scripture for the day, a quote for the day, and my thoughts, progresses, feelings, experiences, and everything else I encounter that details my journey.... 

Scripture:

Be Kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

                                                                                 ~Ephesians 4:32

Quote:

 ~You can't change it, but you will have to forgive yourself eventually~

   I have come to the conclusion that resolutions are not my cup of tea. I make them then break them, then I feel disappointed in myself. Today was a self reflection of what my expectations of myself are for this new year. Nothing new, nothing unattainable. 

    My Goals: Finish school (one semester before I student teach), finish decorating our home, build my business, start saving more, pay off excess debt.. etc...

  Like I said, nothing unattainable. That is, for my physical being. For my spiritual being my goals vary. However, my main spiritual goal is to spend more time with the Lord. Daily devotionals, praying, speaking the Lord's words. 

This year is about healing. Healing from an unwanted divorce. A marriage I fought for, a divorce I tried to avoid, pain I could never imagine. Watching my girls suffer, looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself, losing 23 pounds in 5 weeks, having no recollection of the months right after the leaving. Feeling a pain so deep in my soul that I physically felt weakened and sick. I made mistakes. I filled a void with alcohol when my girls weren't home. I don't remember sleeping much. I do however, remember spending more time with my girls in order to fill the empty parts of my bruised, battered, and broken heart. I learned to cook (better), stayed active in Ally's school and sports, made it through the semester, found a great job, and so on. I learned how to laugh again (this was my biggest accomplishment). I found the person I thought I had lost, the person I though had given up on me. I accepted the fact that no matter what I did, said, or tried, things would be changing for good. A realization I needed to come to. This being said, this divorce was a defining point in my life. It took months for me to accept the fact that I wasn't entirely to blame. It took many sleepless nights to see the light through all the darkness. I found out how much I was truly loved by both my girls and family/friends. Although this divorce was never something I would have ever imagined, I truly believe it was something God used to bring me closer to him.

   I found the path I was meant to be on. I found the meaning behind my life and presence. I asked God for guidance and he showed me the way. I asked God for patience and he presented me with trying times that would push me to the breaking point but never too far. I asked God to help me get through this, and here I am; still standing and stronger than ever. I have chosen to believe that God has paved my path already and as I wander he always holds me near. This year will be about staying on His path. 

Day one, cheers to the new year, cheers to the new beginnings, and cheers to love, laughter, and fulfillment.